Friday, April 13, 2012

I hate trying to make plans.

Sometimes I wonder, "What the heck was God thinking when he gave man free will?" I really feel like I don't have the courage, wisdom, or decisiveness to make the decisions I need to make in order to move on from this place. What is next? What do I do, pursue?
I wonder if I should be doing something more right now that will help me get better emotionally and spiritually. Should I be seeing a Christian counselor? Seeking a mentor?
Should I push myself into activities and hobbies that I love so that my mind will be occupied with things other than my own circumstances? I am thinking about joining a dance class, or being a part of community theater.
Should I look for work or service opportunities? At a church? On a ranch? As a photographer? As a cook/nutritional educator? Or just work a regular old job, at a restaurant?
Maybe I should just try and see if I can do ALL of these things, and those that are impossible don't happen, and those that work, I do. Apply for this, register for that, audition for this, plan for that, offer my services there... And just wait and see what happens. Maybe? I guess.
I have to do SOMETHING. I can't just sit here and wait for something to fall into my lap. But it looks like my summer will be spent in San Antonio. That is something I am almost sure of.

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