Friday, February 24, 2012

February 23rd. I'm single and I don't want to be.

My Thursday in San Marcos was obviously hard, but for some reason I feel like it was one of the best days of my life. I think I feel that way because of the redemption there was in that day, the healing, the total comfort I eventually received from the Lord by the end of the day… it was astonishing. Honestly, I am so stunned. I know God is good and I don’t doubt Him and His ability to provide, but it’s just so amazing for me to see how I am handling this. Jake means so so much to me. I love you him much more than I have loved any other, and my intentions are much more serious than I have ever had before, but this heart break is so manageable because of the Lord. I am just so shocked. I look back and think about how I was after Will broke up with me. I wanted to hurt myself. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I was so so miserable. But because I am depending on the Lord totally and completely to comfort me and hold me, and because I keep going to Him for help… He is. He is providing. He is here. I am doing well. My mind is blown. I am still sad. My heart is very heavy. I am afraid of what Jake may choose (as he is in a time of reflection and processing feelings and thoughts), but I am at peace for the most part, and I am joyful. Crazy. God is more wonderful than I can even put into words. He really is my loving Father. I guess it is just a little strange to be brought such comfort and peace from a man who I cannot see.