Monday, September 26, 2011

Random little Oddities...

A few strange things that have come about due to my illness:

  • A habit of slapping my face obsessively and repetitively - Adopted this habit to keep from scratching itchy skin
  • My eyebrows disappearing almost entirely - This one was curious, but I realized that the hairs actually broke off because of the repetitive impacts from my slapping hands
  • Eyelashes broken in half and now much shorter than they used to be - Same reason as above
  • Nausea and dizzy spells - Can you believe it... Also from slapping my face to much!
  • Inability to complete normal, every day tasks such as driving
  • Fear of people - I have become very anti-social, perhaps due to insecurities about my physical appearance
  • Inability to wear clothing - Unfortunately there are many times when I am forced to wear clothing, and when I am I can only wear loose pants with a strapless top or a long, loose, and strapless dress. Wearing anything on my shoulders nearly kills me.
  • Fear of eating food - I have allergic reactions to all foods now, so eating is a much less joyous occasion than it used to be
  • Extreme discomfort/itchiness from heat
  • Extreme discomfort from cold air blowing on me
  • Fear of sleeping in a bed - I have been sleeping on a couch now for a month.  

Moving to San Antonio

Well, so much has already happened this semester! Actually, not that much has happened, but a lot has changed because of a few small problems.

I have been sick with my allergies/gastro-intestinal problems for a while. This particular episode that I am still in started back in November, in fact. I was hoping I would get better by October, because that is the month that clinicals started in nursing school. If I was better by then, then I could stay in school and be graduated by August of 2012. Unfortunately I did not get better, but only worse. I dropped out of nursing school after doing a lot of praying and searching for peace in my situation. One day (a couple weeks ago) after talking with one of my instructors who wanted to me withdraw from the program, I realized that I was going to have to make the decision soon. I made the decision that very night. After much prayer and encouragement from friends on facebook, friends that I went to for advice, and even my parents, I was totally at peace with withdrawing from the nursing program. This was not an easy decision though. I really loved nursing school. I was learning so much. And not only was I enjoying it, but nursing school was part of my plan! Nursing school, graduate in August, marry Jake, work for some time while Jake is in school, Jake graduates... from there plans were a little less concrete, but I had some ideas. All of that is gone now though. I don't know when I'll get better. I don't know if I'll be able to be a nurse. I don't know when I'll get to marry Jake.

So here is the new plan: move to San Antonio to my parents' place, go to some doctors, try and get better. That's it. But I do know that God wants me in San Antonio for some reason. His plans are always better than mine. His plans are greater than the ones I have made up in my head. He is going to use me in San Antonio. I don't know how, what, or why, but that is okay. I don't know when or if I am going to be healed of my sickness, but I know he has something for me in this sickness. He wants me to bring him glory, even in my pain. I will sure try. In my weakness his power is made perfect. I will remember that.

Things I am looking forward to in SA:
Family. Cooking for my parents. Taking care of my parents' chickens (if they get them). Having access to a printer. Devoting my time and energy to getting better. Educating myself through research and reading about things I am interested in, such as natural medicine and healthy living. Focusing my attention on things that I have not had time for in school, such as art and photography.